Something that I learned

I was talking to Nathan the other night. I was telling him how hard it was that through out my life I have had a lot of really close friends that seem to walk into my life when they needed me then when they didn't anymore move on and leave me behind. It has really bothered me and hurt me over the years. He looked at me with tears in his eyes ( because he was feeling the spirit) and said that is just what it is like to be a missionary. That was something that hit me hard. My patriarchal blessing popped into my head there is apart in it about me always being a missionary just by being who I am. Pondering on it more and being guided by the spirit I have come to terms with my prior relationships and the realization that some of them, I was just being a instrument in gods hands. I am so grateful to now realize what was happening and no longer hurt from being left behind. I truly have a love for those people who I have been there for and pray that the lord will continue to bless me with these friendships so that I can continue to grow and develop some of my talents.

I am so excited about the future that I have ahead of me. Oh yeah I am down 3 lbs from last week!

A New Begining

I am so grateful to start a new year! I have started a kind of journey with in myself trying to discover me. I don't think that I have ever really known who I am, the things I like and the things I don't, or even the things I really love to do. I've kinda always been a follower. I have liked what other people have liked and have made choices based on what I think others opinions will be. It had really brought me to a place in my life that I didn't like and I just kept going though bouts of depression. Really the only thing that I found in my life that I discovered and know is true for myself is the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that is only thing that has kept me going though the last few years. .
I have been through a lot of soul searching lately, I mean a lot, thinking about myself and my life. It's kinda made me realize how important it is to live your own life and be your own individual person! To develop my own opinion on things and not fall back on someone else and actually caring about how I'm treated by others.
I've learned some of the reasons why I gained 60lbs (besides eating too much) over the last 7 years. I'm learning how to deal with stress better. And how to let new people into my life again. I have been trying to lose myself into the service of others in every way that I can. I am gaining confidence again and over coming my social anxiety that I developed when I started high school. I am learning not to internalize everything and bottle things up but to release it either by writing letters or talking to Nathan. (I do have to say that he is the greatest gift that i have ever been given in my life!)

Now that I have been thinking about a lot of things its time for me to start my changes. The first thing that I need to do is lose the unhealthy weight that I have put on over the last 7 years. I have started a new life style and been doing okay with it but it has only been three days so that really doesn't say much . I have started a new diet. Now I just need to work exercise into also. So I am going to start with that and let the other changes I need to make fall into place as I go along so that i can keep the weight off. I am just so grateful to have such a supportive husband who loves and cares for me no matter what. I love you Nathan!